~ ~ zenÃ¶v is zenov with 2 dots on the 'o' zenov without 2 dots is a pirated name, so dun use zenov~ ~

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 9:38 PM

I'm Thinking About My Life & Priorities...

Please don't blame me for this... After talking so much with so many people (I must have talked the last 4 years of my life combined), exchanging views and observing other people, I began to ponder over my own life. After all, it's one of the 2 times of the year (other than NY) that prompts students to make resolutions.

But well, actually, what should I think of? I guess my main aim is to kill (or at least weaken) the lazy bug in me. And then, through more interaction with other people, I can know how to restrict myself appropriately at times, verbally or action wise.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Went for Soka SD Orientation on Fri. The Reason for going was complex, but well, since the reason was for a good purpose, then it should not be that bad. After all, we had good company too.

In our group we had me, zin, LF, Luke, rx, tC and cb (bryan joined us later in the evening). We met at Clementi, where we distributed our identifiers for the day, made faithfully by tC into the night. Then it was off to the central forum where we had ice-breaker games with the other strangers joining the orientation.

SD identifier (front) Plaster wrapped in plastic for long-keeping.

It was standard fare, followed by a sort of internal hunt, though I didn't join in the puzzle solving. ha... I followed wherever the others went. Highlight was Poison River bah. Don't know why. It reminded me of the day when NEL broke down and I had to squeeze with a lot of people in the carriage or the day when 96 was trapped in a jam, with a bus load of people packed to the brim. Breathless, cold-sweating.

Then, we went for the Food Hunt. We started off to Clementi, the 1st station, where some 小插曲 happened. And then on the way, cb and I started the Nipple-Pinching Marathon again. It put all guys into defensive mode, including the OGL, whom barely knew us. He should feel honoured for getting molested ok...

We then took 7 to HV, where we searched for a balloon shop. We had lunch (sort of) at the hawker centre, where I ate orh jian. It was then I started to become a message relayer. Tired on one hand, glad that I was trusted on the other. But well, I can only say I did a good job relaying messages, though whether I helped resolved anything was secondary.

We then took some bus to Cine, where cb and I disturbed tC throughout the bus ride. Who asked him to NOT burst his pimple? Who asked him to have sensitive (physiologically, though for him, it means metaphorically too) ears?

At Cine, we searched for the white apple (ishop) and then had ice kacang to continue the food chain. It was then we turned the Nipple-Pinching Marathon to Caressing Marathon. No pain inflicted, just plain pleasure... hehe...

It was there I realized something too. All along, I thought I had a rather disgusting cackle (can't help it when I lose control), but I found out that rx had an equally (if not surpassing me) disgusting cackle. It happened when he attacked me on the escalator and I was more of in shock than in pain...

Then it was off to Harborfront, where bryan joined us. Had dinner there. ermz... What did we do...? We basically roamed the place before dinner in search of a food item that can help us link up the food chain... cb was happy reveling the fact about his new crush. After dinner, cb and Luke left. It was also where I was approached for info again.

It's really interesting. We touched on the topic of 热脸贴冷屁股. Long long ago, I had the same experience where I expressed friendliness after The Fight. I was met with a cold face. From then on, I gave up all attempts to make peace. Till lately, I realize that he didn't see me outside the bookshop smiling at him. Maybe we shouldn't 委屈 ourselves to 热脸贴冷屁股, but sometimes, it may not be a 冷屁股 we are 贴-ing, so it doesn't hurt to do it a few more times just in case.

After all, there's nothing to lose. That was what I told him.

SD identifier (back) There was an accompanying plaster that we wore for the event.

We proceeded to Pasir Panjang Food Centre for the last item. It was a place I had always wanted to eat at since my RV days (passing by on 176 2 times a day but never had the impulse to drop off and eat there). It's no longer visible from the road since Circle Line construction took place. We had the Chicken Fried Rice over there. Ended the day's work as Relayer, though as mentioned, it wasn't me who resolved everything.

We crossed the road to the SOKA Youth Centre, some place that I have passed by all these years but never give much thought about.

It was already drizzling as we crossed the road. It was the weirdest situation I got myself into in recent times. I want to be a friend, not a wedge, which was how I felt at that point of time. A wedge between 2 people on an apparent cold war was suppressing.

We watched SOKA performance and experience-sharing there, in the small function room. The ambience was nice, though it was a long time since I sat on the ground for extended period of time. Nothing super impressive nor super depressive.

rx's sharing session made me feel that the Reason for attending was fulfilled. We didn't waste our time going down as a group to accompany tC and it was the 1st time in ages since we actively included rx in GC's crazy antics. A tiring day with 2 fulfilling accomplishments.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Slept late, so I pontang Touch City Walk held in the crazy hour of 7am.

Went to meet up with Ma'ats after their walk for lunch at Funan food court. Lingered around the area before tC, cb and me set off for LB.

LB was rather low-key today, despite being an 'orientation visit' after the City Walk where KCs were supposedly to have helped disseminate this fact. But well...

Visited blind sisters and uncle lee. hmmm... I'm still not up to standard, but my focus is supposed to be on volunteers, yar? The hokkien group had me, wz, cal, cb and weijian from gp2. Uncle lee proclaimed that it was wonderous that kids as young as cb and wj could be studying in uni and all of us laughed. Well, is it a blessing to b with the outlook of a kid or not?

Met up with bryan, LF and Joyce at Lucky Chinatown (they rotted while we went for LB) and had a GS interview for Joyce. She came with a supposedly Grade A gossip in her resume to offer us. The 'interview' went on while we had KTV at a Ten-dollar KTV Lounge (ed joined us) and after that, where we had a short talk at Chinatown Point Mac with km.

What I learned from the interview? Never to relate to the interviewee as to how they fared. When they have an idea of their standing, we'll never be able to keep the ball in our court. Be it they are telling us a Grade A++ news or an out-dated Grade C news, interviewers should keep the reactions to themselves. No use leading them on when the above rule was broken.

This is to safeguard the safety of all our members and the existence of the Club (organization, in a broader term).

Gossiping is, after all, an official underground activity that a lot of victims detest (even though they enjoy in sharing other people's gossips).

Joyce failed her psychometric and integrity test too. Whether she makes it into the List is still open for discussion with other members.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's a bit tough trying to blog relevant to the title. This segment is, in fact, written 12 hours after the 1st few parts and I've not a single idea how to continue or make an ending.

Been troubled by certain stuff these days, these few weeks. Or do I? Maybe to certain people, I'm still living life nonchalantly as before.

Whiling my time away with people I most enjoy the company.

Be it short term or long term, it has been a long time since I feel so included, so I might as well immerse in it.

Yes, I do need to be wanted and included. I guess that's what most humans desire. There are those who are able to give just as well as they receive (if not more) and some who just receives more than they give. Some, they demand and demand.

Why do people keep demanding stuff they don't make an effort in getting? Why do people choose to live life pessimistically, keeping themselves in the dark fringes of life when they could have done something?

Years ago, watched Andy Lau's movie Li Gu Li Gu Xin Nian Cai. It was a comedy, but there was a good quote:

It doesn't matter whether you have a set of bad tiles; it's how you play the tiles. As long as you do your best, you are playing a good game.

I believe I lead a life of damnity, but I know I shouldn't wallow in self-pity. Cos after all the endless rounds of self-pity, I'm still in as bad a situation I was in. Ok, I once led a life of self-pity, that was how I know it's not constructive. As I've said (a dozen times before), it made me waste 4 years of my life.

But even though I stopped engaging in self-pity, I still wasted a year plus procrastinating and stuff like that.

But I know my next step is: to take a step.

Then the next.

And the next.

So, I must get rid of the lazy bug in me and get going. It's my weakness. I know I sometimes demand a lot, but at least I appreciate the fact that I won't get anything when I don't put in effort, so I just demand for ventilation sake.

I once told 00S60 during an intro: I'm 17 this year and it is unique, cos it's the only 17 I'm gonna lead.

Half of my 22 is gone and it was wasted doing stuff that had no long-term constructive impact on my life. I need to make it a good one before it ends.

From 17, my life will restart again at 22.

Dear friends, please make full use of your 18s, 19s, 20s, and 21s. Cos for what I lost, I hope you guys cherish it.

Live life optimistically and those who do are the ones whom I stick to more, cos I no longer want to be pulled into the abyss of pessimism.

Shall make my half-yearly resolutions soon.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 1:48 PM

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Wednesday

Went for CSL last night. It was a normally weird night. After talking to sh & zw for 6 hours straight, I was a bit tired and I sound less excited, hyper than usual.

Met gam on the way into the hall and we started talking. Politics, sort of, except that there were no scandals/gossip involved. I supposed that since he's such a 'holy' person, I'll spare him the details.

Like the reasons why I was unhappy with his choice of his successor.

Yes, she is active and her attendance is almost perfect. But her 出发点 was not for the kids, for all I know.

All these boiled down to the fundamental questions I raised with many people: Do we want a person with the mind to lead or with the heart to lead?

Raymond was rather obedient that day, though he was still as impatient with me. All I had to do was to go through his english assessment and then he scooted off. I asked him if he really loathed seeing me and he replied that all he wanted to is to sleep.

hmmmm...

Since I had a lot of time, I lingered around and helped gam's kid (shihui) with her 听写. During which, Justin came and showed me some pictures he drew. Something from pokemon. And then, he re-drew one of the pic that I said was cutest and gave it to me (ok, I demanded that he drew one for me...).

pic from justin

Kids like to give us stuff, but this is the first non-food gift I ever received from a kid. Not my kid some more. At least for this, I can keep it for the keepsake.

And then, I also helped another kid, Raymond's sister, with a problem sum. That's all. I guess intelligence runs in the family bah, cos his sis was just as capable academically. Except that Raymond is a tad too lazy.

Then it's home, where gam tried talking to me on the way. I mean, he only meant to say: I do hope that despite sf being the chair, you will still be in the comm to help out.

Funny. I also wonder why both LB and CSL wants me to be welfare (demote from vice some more). I never know I have the charm or something. If so, why don't I join MC welfare instead. Got CCA points (unlike RVP one) for my Yr4 application to PGP.

But well, I don't know a lot of people in CSC, so it will defeat the purpose. kaoz... later organize activities and no one come how?

When gam said I had the charisma (in front of AL), I nearly vomit. At the same time, I was gleeful... Who don't feel happy when he receives compliments?

That's all for today. A normally, peaceful day.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:03 PM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

2 Major Decisions

Made 2 decisions last wed, 2 seemingly unrelated decisions. I told some close friends about one or the other le. There are other close friends whom I can't find a good chance to relate to. But well, this is what blogs are for. You create a chance so friends can make use of the chance. ~sidetrack, nvm~

1st, I decided to withdraw from SEP. Understanding friends should know how much I desire to go for SEP. I don't know how to go about explaining why I desire to go, but the fact is, I desire.

But as what is quoted from Gattaca: You try so hard to get away from a place and when you do, you find a reason to stay.

I found a few reasons, which could be collectively made as a reason. No matter how I phrase it, anybody will be offended.

You see, at the point of applying for SEP last oct, I had nothing to lose. I had friends with such close ties that I know nothing will affect our friendship whether anot I go away. You guys, are not my reason for staying. You can be happy, you can be sad, depending on how you see it.

But after I applied for SEP, people came and filled my life. Some touched my heart, some just disappeared. But there are some whom I believe can last for my lifetime and yet I have so little time for them before I leave them.

Relationships (this is a collective term, cos I know some people narrow-mindedly refers r/s as BGR) at this infant stage needs time to nurture and can go awry before you realize. Do I leave and risk losing some of the relationships or do I stay, though good results are not guaranteed?

And then, there are the official reasons that I gave to OSA, reasons that reflect my thoughts, but modified to be 'official'.

CCA, and CAP.

I need to pull my CAP up. If I forgo this sem, I forgo an opportunity to pull it up.

The repercussions of this decision is to apply for withdrawal and asking OSA for a place in PGP. Get a place before school starts and so I can start to mug for my CAP.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

2nd decision was the tacit agreement with someone to end the courtship. Courtship --> I don't even have a better name for it. We're not officially together, but we were together. oh well...

We met, she asked me some questions and showed me her diary.

She said she don't understand me anymore, but frankly speaking, I don't understand her too, right from the start. Which was why I said, right from the start, that we should work towards understanding each other. No hurry to be lovers, cos understanding is the 2nd most important factor in BGR.

She hid her feelings and thoughts, wrote it down in a diary and showed it to me and... should I have hugged her and cried/kissed her, as suggested by tC?

She said I made her wait for my sms. I never give a thought about sms cos they were something so trivial. Everybody knows that sms could not be trusted to be on time. I received an sms (hp showed: 1 message received), and while opening that sms, I saw her sms appearing next in line. But when I went back to the inbox, the sms was no longer there.

So I sms her to resend the sms. In her diary, she said she sent that sms 4 days ago. She griped that 1) I don't reply her sms, 2) I lost her sms.

But of cos, she lamented that I never replied her other sms with stuff like: I'm going off to sleep le, gd nite. She lamented that I don't sms her often enough. She lamented that I don't have her in my mind.

She griped (diary) that I didn't ask her out again after I got rejected in March. She said (diary) that I was not active enough all these while, but no, she don't want to take the initiative. On the other hand, she kept telling me she was not confident to accept me. She told me to not wait for her and should I find someone2, I should go ahead and get her. She told me she was too boring so I should consider giving her up.

She said I don't have her in my mind cos I am going for SEP. And that if I have her on my mind, I would not have applied for it (there is a difference between the 2 sentences, don't pick on it).

How am I gonna fend for myself? At the point of application, she was with R. I didn't see ourselves together in the near future.

Now?

I am a super-rational person, so I weigh all my options from a 3rd party's point of view. I know my desire to go on SEP, the childhood desire to go overseas for studies, is so immense that one r/s that's hanging in the air is not going to stop me. Why should I forgo a childhood dream when no one's gonna commit to me? And cos of this, I would rather everything remains as status quo when I leave, cos I don't want her to commit to me and yet I am gone so she has to wait for me.

It's unfair for me to give up a dream for her undecided love, and unfair for her to wait for me.

So why not let everything stays as it is? After all, right from the start, I said that we should start building on our understanding, no rush to be lovers.

So yes, she was not the sole reason that I gave up SEP, but she was one of the considering factors when I did. ie when I did consider giving up SEP, she was one of the reasons.

She said that she don't (note the present tense) believe the lyrics that I wrote for another friend (《暗箭》) wasn't me trying to hint to her that I had some misforgivings about her. I explained to her that it WASN'T and that the intro before the lyrics explained the rationale why I wrote it, which was that I was backstabbed recently (go read it through the link).

She don't believe there could be such a coincidence. I don't believe there is a coincidence in the 1st place. I explained to her before and she chose not to believe me.

She asked me whether I fell in love with any girl from E3. I said no. She apparently doubted my answer.

If falling in love is easy, then I wouldn't have been so serious with a girl for the 1st time in my life; I wouldn't have 90% of my close friends as girls and not falling for any of them.

When I told chio bu about this part, he simply commented: huh? I don't even think you will lie for such a serious thing lor. Even amanda, with whom my acquaintance did not match the GC, knew I am a bad liar. I hide things, yes, but I can't lie.

Now comes to the 1st building block of r/s (collective term): Trust. Fact: GC guys trust me. I keep the gossips that I was told to keep a secret a secret. and I only knew them for slightly more than a month. I weighed my options correctly and I was right to make a big sacrifice for them.

But still, it doesn't mean that I didn't even put her in consideration. Believe it or not, 任君选择.

Girls tell me it's the job of men to decipher women's thoughts, to pamper them and shower them with all the attention you can give.

I tell them it's no wonder the number of gays is rising.

As I've mentioned in the previous post, what I'm looking for is a lifelong partner, not a pet. I'm looking to build a binary star system and not a single-focus universe. If you look at old couples and ask them what they gained from their r/s, it's the accompaniment and NOT the superficial stuff that they used to do to show their affection for each other.

Yes, I do admit that I did not spend enough time for her.

I do admit that I failed to fulfil the 'promises' I made. But... we didn't even start proper for me to fulfil the promises.

I do admit that I was indignant at being viewed as a low-class, superficial, insincere, primal, insensitive and no-heart entity. Maybe there are a lot of people out there who also viewed me as such, but I do not think I am.

But because I have such a high esteem of myself (not excluding the fact that I'm selfish, and how spiteful I sound now), I do not think I should force someone to continue trying to accept me.

Friends can do just as well.

After all, 90% of my close friends are girls.

And yar, more and more guys are turning gays. Maybe I should go take a Q number.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had a very long and thorough talk with zw and sh on wed, and spent a lot of time talking about the above.

Conclusion: I am not mature enough for someone, yes. I do not fit the bill.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:21 AM

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Happy Birthday To 丘羽

On your 1st birthday since I knew you, the Chicken Clan hiked to your house under the MRT track to surprise you with a KFC meal and watching 孤男寡女 on VCD. You silently told me at that point of time that you didn't like KFC. I know, and I was very guilty that I forgot about it.

On your 2nd birthday since I knew you, we had fallen out with each other. My conductress's birthday fell on the same day as you, and I remembered the choir celebrating her birthday in the AVA theatre while I excused myself to the washroom. How can I celebrate another person's birthday (no matter how much I respect her) while I don't even pass a greeting to you?

On your 3rd birthday since I knew you, I was recovering from a serious illness. The illness took away all my energy and gradually sapped me of my memories of the past, including you.

On your 4th birthday since I knew you, I stepped onto Tekong once again for BMT recourse. When I told Youjie about the date some time before, he paused for a while but didn't say anything at all. I knew he recalled you and was refraining himself from mentioning you in front of me. But... my father's death took away whatever will I had to live on, and I was a floating entity.

On your 5th birthday since I knew you, we were about to start our new lives as civilians. You were flying to Toronto and I was staying put. We celebrated your birthday at Secret Recipe at Plaza Singapura. We talked as if nothing had happened, or was it something had happened? We still talked, nonetheless. A sort of familiarity across a vast distance.

On your 6th birthday since I met you, I was down with a fever. After the fever, life took another turn for me. Finally realizing that I am not up to it academically, I turned to the superficial appeal. Finally, after falling from grace 3 years back, I found a new identity.

On this 7th birthday since I met you, I had sent the letter of apology and we cleared the air between us. I know the next time we meet will be an awkward situation because we'll be facing each other under a different circumstance.

Not like the heart-to-heart chat we had at the bench below the library; not like the cross-talk over campfire at Ban Muangna. Not like the Cold War awkwardness at Pizza Hut where I was sandwiched between you and Youjie; not like the nonchalent crapping at PS; not like the silence that fell between us for 5 years.

How do we go from then?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I know I'm being cliche and un-creative but the 2 lyrics below were written especially for the cause of our friendship. One was a commemeration of the friendship between the 2 of us, and the other a lament for the broken ties.

My friend, my friend, we have known each other for 6 and a half years, of these, 5 and a half years apart (socially and geographically). Somehow, I still feel we could have did something better out of this friendship.

《聚离》

词：冷夜（翻自：终身美丽/不能承受的感动）

黎明前一分钟日和夜的交错

屋顶上你我看草地渐渐染红

你用一双最真挚的手牵引我每次感动

陪我走一段绚丽的彩虹

我会为你收留刹那眼角的闪烁

当你回头看我这份爱是否依旧

无奈我们离别了以后青草地不再染红

回忆只留那一分钟问离别是否太冲动

这一刻你的心情是否有我一样说不尽

我以万根手指感应在日出你我的呼吸

我们永远在一起就算黑夜见不到天明

这一刻你是否想起回忆里面的痕迹

只留下最初的点滴激情

黄昏前一分钟你和我再相逢

夕阳下你我已不见往日笑容

我们没开口我的心却只是凝望着你就微微颤抖

你终于哭着说

朋友那时离别是太冲动

这一刻你的心情是否有我一样说不尽

我以万根手指感应在日出你我的呼吸

我们永远在一起谁说黑夜见不到天明

这一刻你是否想起握着幸福的手心

只剩下最初的点滴激情

这一刻我不会忘记万般等待的美丽

你是否也感觉到我的用心

Started on Feb 2001, completed on Nov 2002

《秋雨》

词：冷叶（翻自：花园）

微风带来你微笑的双眼

回忆不再是孤独到永远

你用温柔洗去我心中遍地落叶

无论度过多少黑夜都会有晴天

朋友不单是阳光的季节

一句话也能够让伊甸幻灭

如果未来已注定充满荆棘危险

地平线就是旅途的终点

祈祷幸福别走远

给我勇气实现我的诺言

祈祷秋天别走远

给我时间实现你的心愿

才发现我的泪不经意洒满天

化成雨灌溉你我的心田

永远只属于两条平行线

没聚点才不会越走越远

可是没有微风如何拾去落叶

地平线只是美丽的误会

祈祷幸福别走远

给我勇气实现我的诺言

祈祷秋天别走远

给我时间实现你的心愿

才发现我的泪不经意洒满天

化成雨灌溉你我的心田

期待明天还能够默默拥抱这感觉

就算秋雨再多狂再多冷也要用心去体会

Completed on 23 Nov 2005

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Since writing lyrics is so uncreative and so passive, I thought I would do something more practical. Then I remembered something Youjie reveled to me on our outing last fri: making pasta.

He was buying some spaghetti to go home and try cooking, in preparation for his SEP life for next 4 months. So I was thinking: yup, pasta is one of the easiest food to prepare, if we do not include the pasta sauce, which can be bought ready in NTUC.

But then, I was contemplating over how I should go about preparing, cos I know my mum will definitely scream at me. I procrastinated and procrastinated till I finished my afternoon nap where I did a virtual run of the cooking process in my sleep.

My ingredients are super simple: Fuscilli, Pasta Sauce, Minced Chicken Meat and Diced Mushroom. Voila! ok lah, it's not as easy as I thought.

1st precaution: DO NOT BELIEVE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE PACKAGE OF THE PASTA.

nabeh... it said boil for 7 min and the end product was still tough and hard, machiam maggi mee in BOILED water a la army style.

Make it 9 min, medium-high heat.

2nd precaution: Never have mum around. She makes me feel like an ID.

She took over when I was trying to open the can of mushrooms, she took over when I was trying to fry the chicken and she took over to wash the kwali (only this was what I was grateful for).

So, prepare to cook while boiling the pasta. Heat the pan, pour the oil, add the garlic, nabeh... forgot what else...

oh... 3rd precaution: The ready-minced chicken from NTUC has a layer of paper below it. Be sure not to add it in when you dump the chicken into the pan.

No, I DIDN'T forget about the paper, k...

Stir-fry, then add the sauce. Then the mushroom. Then let it simmer while you drain the pasta.

Dump everything into the kwali and stir-fry till it's not watery, a la NUS Biz Canteen style.

And then the more easy, poser part, which is to prepare to eat:

20-min pasta...

Lessons learnt:

-+ Add in green capsicum the next time round, cos my pasta today looked like a bloody mess.

-+ Add pepper, cos I like the peppery taste.

-+ Use sliced sausage rather than chicken. Chicken, you risk it uncooked. Sausages, you only risk it chao-tar. ie: instead of cooking chicken 1st then the others, everything (sausage, mushroom and sauce) can be dumped in together.

And this dish is for my friend in Toronto, though I suppose he could be getting sick of it after all these years.

It seemed like 拜拜, but well, it's the thought that counts. For a serving of 4, I helped eat his share.

And nabeh... i thought pasta was easy to prepare. Budden, 20 min is short enough (eliminating shopping time).

Next time, shall try to make the sauce from scratch.

Maybe next time = next year...

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:00 AM

Friday, July 21, 2006

Ma'at's Full-Month Pic

Man Yue Zhao

What do we have? A collage since the attendance was not full. Special thanks to LF who did it.

On one hand we have the guys who made it and those who ps us. Don't know how LF enlarged my head, but i sure do look cute, for once. Was in that pose cos we started the Nipple-Twisting Game again, and I was in defensive mode.

Beside me was cb, in his fav singlet-shorts attire (legs so short, we always thought he was wearing pants). Then it was yanrui with her pregnant lady bag. Then it was tC in his oversized OP t-shirt (and nothing else, apparently. was at 1st wondering what 僵尸 clothes he wearing in the pic...).

Below is ermz... shuohan with his peacock style (??) and LF made herself into Trinity (how self-deceiving). Then it was km, cos he made 20 red eggs for us to eat on Full Month. Or rather, he produced the eggs while his aunt visited him. But LF dear, that red thing on km's head means he's a cock (pun intended), how can cock produce eggs? And then it's Joyce, who joined us at the 11th hour at Crystal Jade, Suntec, to share the eggs.

Below were the pang-seh-ers, with their reason for pang seh-ing the Full Month Celebration at Settler's and Crystal Jade.

Derui said he got NDP (but isn't it at night?), zin said her mum was sick (so what's with the stick figures around her?), gilb had bridge training, glenn was at medi-camp (was that a Black Cross on his tent?? aiyoh... dun go to glenn in the future), sin en went shopping with her mum (her mum machiam maid in the pic, and an abused maid -- so skinny...).

Kit said she need to clean up Geog Soc room (what's she doing with the pillow then?) and that her bf was free. So what if her bf was free? Ask him to potong then act as Kit then we consider.

Viv, the Nua Queen, said she wanted to stay at home and think about some stuff (2006 Most Sweat-Inducing Reason Of The Year Award). Bryan was sleeping (knn...), ed was at the esplanade watching performance (not that she was wearing durian bras) and lastly, rx transformed into Cyber-Sadako. No lah... he told cb he was sick, told tC he wanted to send his PC for repair. tsk! tsk! climb out of his computer, no wonder it spoil lah...

The others, well, they MIA so well that they appear invisible in the pic. yar... MIA literally...

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 11:44 PM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Once In 14 Years Trip

It's rare to have friends whom you have known in 14 years (while you ARE NOT a lao kokok), and 14 years means 2 x "7 years itch".

Aniway, after a whole year of planning, cancelling, procrastinating, planning, procrastinating... we finally settled a day to go o'c, 4 days before departure. And our destination? Getaway to Bintan Agro Resort, from 15 - 16 July 2006.

We took the ferry thinking that it would take 45 min, but it was twice as long. It was full play of kiasu spirit trying to get onto the ferry cos it was free seating.

Just outside the customs, we found the counter for Agro and the girl tpok us to take the van to the resort.

On the van, to resort

It was another half an hour snaking through the build-up area and through the fields. After all, Agro is NOT a beach resort; it's a plantation resort. In fact, it was smacked in the middle of nowhere and the air was very fresh.

at the lobby entrance

The staff was very prepared and before I even uttered my name, he fished out our keys and proceeded with the check in. For a resort with no 5-star facilities, it has 5-star service, which extended throughout our stay.

Lobby

Our impression was like: it seemed we were the only few in the resort, served by a worker-to-customer ratio of 10:1, so much so we wondered how they managed to keep afloat and maintain the resort.

Lobby's bar

The staff were always available, and upon request, 2 drivers were sent to drive us to our abode on 2 tricycles. On the way, the drivers doubled as a local guide, who drove us around the resort and introduced us the activities that could be done. Unfortunately, most were not what we'd do, like golf and fishing.

Just outside our residence

We were rather fascinated, cos it was our first time taking the mode of transport. So much so we kept taking pix with it. haha... and the drivers were so kind to indulge us in it too. At that point of time, we really believed we were the only guests there.

A pic outside our residence

The room was spacious, with a single queen sized bed. We had 2 rooms. Even then, the guys' room had a 12-inch TV rather than the 32-inch the gals had. Hot shower and air-con provided and the window opened out to the verandah equipped with benches for guests from adjacent rooms to chat.

And did I mention we had a great country view (boy do I sound like Samantha Brown...)?

Corridor

After settling down, we proceeded to find the swimming pool to see if we could do some tanning. But the clouds were daunting. We cut across a plantation via a little 羊肠小道, lined with yellow roses amidst rambutan trees.

kf even plucked one rambutan and ate it in the spot.

Me and jing

The pool was like, ermz, ok for people who are not picky. Well, if you LOVE swimming in the sea, then you would have loved swimming in the pool amidst the algae and other unknown precipitates. We ended up playing in the water the next day, though dipping out heads into the water was a taboo...

Me and kf beside the pool

We then walked to have our dinner. The resort was so small that it was walkable, except by night, cos there was minimum street lightings. The restaurant offered stuff like the zhee-char stalls we have back here. The best stuff was the fruit juices, so fresh, you will have to peel it on your own.

Simple meal...

Believe it or not, I ate the above for dinner.

NOT!

In addition to those above.

I dined with a dark-eyeringed ghost...

Outside 'Kampong'

We then had an after-dinner phototaking (there really wasn't much to do there...). We took pix of other residences. There were Kampongs, manadao and cottages. We lived in the mediteranean, which at the point of booking, I though was a safe choice. It was a right choice indeed, cos at dinner, a whole swarm of PRC tourists flocked and stayed in the Kampongs.

After-dinner photo-taking

We walked around the resort again, till the sun went down. We were trying to walk off our full dinner, cos we intended to go spa at night. We went back to our rooms to wash up and called the lobby to send us over. This time round, we were transported on a jeep, something like a GP car.

We all agreed the spa was worth out effort to go all the way here. Even though the end cost of ferry+accom was equivalant to the cost of having spa at S'pore, the service was over the top. We believed it was cos we were like VIPs to them, such that they treated us as good as they could. And not to add the scenery, fresh air , experience and isolation from normal work and stress that money can't buy at home.

I must admit it was my 1st time having a spa treatment and I was blur like sotong. The jacuzzi, however, seemed lacklustre and the masseuse's only vocabs were: Excuse and me. I was stifling my urge to giggle throughout, cos I'm someone who's VERY AFRAID of tickles. hmmm... not to mention the massage of inner thighs. I nearly broke into laughter.

Many guys thought I would have shown some bio-rxn, but believe me, the tickles was more over-powering than the weird sensation of a 3rd party's hands hovering over the sensitive areas.

But well, now I know why Cleo and Teenage insists that the inner thighs were erotic regions...

Harassing the figurine outside our residence

After our massage, we had foot reflexology, cos we need to pass our time while jing finish her milk bath. Then, we had the driver send us to lobby, where we ordered our supper (room svc) and back to our rooms. ha... 1st time I had room service lol

Supper

It didn't look much, but we ate like a lot. We had spring rolls, calamari (they called: breaded squids) and tauhu-goreng Indonesian version. The tauhu was especially interesting, cos it tasted normal at 1st, while the terrible, super-duper spiciness surface. All while watching a Stephen Chow's show.

Then, we played cards, along with MP3. Then, we slept. We were too tired to go back to our rooms, so the 4 of us squeezed onto the bed. Believe me, kf could haf squeezed with us and not sleep at the foot of the bed, cos er-hem... was literally clinging onto me the whole night, leaving a big space between her and jing.

oops, did I reveal er-hem's identity?

And I woke up freezing, cos er-hem was sapping me of my heat the whole night...

After a night of jolly...

Morning was simple fare, as in it's not intercontinental buffet. But we had fried rice, fried beehoon, sweet and sour fish, kangkong, a dish that was a combination of laksa and prawn mee (minus the spiciness), toasts, coffee and a funny-tasting kueh.

Very un-breakfast.

We went to the pool to sun tan and played around with the water for 2 hours.

Then we walked back to rooms, I dozed off for a while, and we went back to the lobby where we played cards over Iced-longans.

What's left of our breakfast

Then, we shopped at the souvenir shop and then had the staff drove us back again. cos it was sunny, cos they bought a lot of stuff.

Gp photo on the way to check out.

We slacked again in our rooms, watching Channel 8 and dozing off while waiting to check out. We were ferried to the ferry point and then we shopped again there, though it was a grab-and-go affair.

We couldn't squeeze onto the ferry in time, and had to camp on the deck of the ferry, exposed to the natural elements, including the sun that I got so much of from the past few days.

On the ferry back home..

Finally, it was back to home ground, but our getaway didn't end there. We taxied ourselves to Harborfront where we had dinner at Coffee Club. VERY NICE dinner. I guess that has become our favourite spot after Swensen's at WTC and CTP.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 10:30 PM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

《八卦部落》

I know I have been spending too much time on GC and related stuff (Ma'at & GC so overlapping). But well, I get the self satisfaction (自 high）from all the little effort I put in to make it more interesting. After all, scandals are running dry... lol

And yar, sorry for stef fans, cos for both of the songs I used, all were converted to parodies. It's just that her songs are more catchy for such purposes... *bleah!*

《八卦部落》

词：冷叶（翻自：梦不落）

抛开所有禁忌开启创作引擎

一垒二垒下个是你

要追溯半个世纪所有可能机率

记住八卦不是罪行

只要有消息我们就会关心

如果有眩机我们一定问到底

人生太迷离需要认真研习

相对论阴谋论要调查

是暧昧是朋友？

抛开所有禁忌开启创作引擎

一垒二垒下个是你

要追溯半个世纪所有可能机率

记住八卦不是罪行

谁在耍心机谁又Act Cute 到腻

谁又在街上被怪伯伯摸屁屁

动用SNG 搜集小道消息

小动作双关语要调查

放长线钓大鱼

所有的话题没有边际冲刺极限创意

正面侧面翻转论理

将绯闻尽情传递掀起满城风雨

记住八卦也有道行

手拿部落杖才能盘问分享

所有人都怕八卦的力量

Leave no news behind

Spread all news in kind

Always bear in mind

You’ll be next in line

抛开所有禁忌开启创作引擎

一垒二垒下个是你

要追溯半个世纪所有可能机率

记住八卦不是罪行

所有的话题没有边际冲刺极限创意

正面侧面翻转论理

将绯闻尽情传递掀起满城风雨

记住八卦也有道行

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:45 AM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

GC GC GC

OMG...

1st thing I came back from my short getaway (shall blog abt it after I get the photos) was to see the continuation of GC's motto:

Leave no news behind
Spread all news in kind
Always bear in mind
You'll be next in line

The 1st line was from tC when he tagged me. Basically, he was outlining the activity of GC.

The 2nd line, came up by me, was a vision, cos I know gossip is a beautiful sin committed by the majority of the population. If we were to get going on 'formalizing' it, we gotta package gossiping into something good, like a social science. ha... Mind stimulation activity. Holify gossip.

The last 2 lines by LF was factual. Too darned factual. It's just so tempting to gossip about a person when he/she is not around. ah but why? 1st, we want to know whether our opinion of the person is warped or shared. We are humans, and we wanna know if we are odd one out wrt our opinions.

Then, we share our experience.

Then, then, we keep quiet. haha... That's our creed, yar?

Actually, I don't know why.

Most of our gossip are kept from the lead. One reason was we need investigation (We are not paparazzi leh, we substantiate our news with twisted theories). Another, our motto. We must Spread all news in kind. Usually, the kindest thing we can do for the lead(s) was to keep quiet. hee...

I suppose lah.

Actually, I'm more into bitching than gossiping. I'm unlike my PR who acts as SNG for the club. During GS, I'm more passive than active. I only help to relay info that other members might have missed out in previous GSes and give my opinions, which at most time, cos of my science background, seemed weak and ignorable (think cb when he gave his theory outside clubroom, that's GOOD).

Bitching, on the other hand, means scolding a person. It comes more naturally, cos I need not think of rationales to make my stand. I just scold and scold to get the satisfaction out of putting my dissatisfaction towards a person into words (x2 level of satisfaction when directing to a 3rd party who knows my target). Whether anot it's constructive is insignificant. I am the one ventilating lol

But gossip is more enticing. I can only bitch when I'm angry with a person, but I can join in gossips almost anytime when there's a session. I'm an auditory person, meaning that I too can get satisfaction from listening to tales from other people, whether they are 1st or 3rd-party views.

My life is bland, so I want to hear other people's stories. Fact or fiction, nevermind. Best if there are twists and different sides of stories... keke... I LOVE DRAMA.

I searched for the definition of 'gossip' on google (type 'define gossip') and I found so many descriptions for the act of gossip that fit our activities very well. In fact, GC should include the web findings on the definition of gossip as our guidelines too. lol

arh... What more? GC is filling my life and I don't have much to say about it. It just goes to show how 没有主见 I am. oh well, I'm trying to be humble, can? Can't shine like superstar all the time.

*giggle until like vibrator*

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 11:49 PM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

GC Investiture

But first, the shopping trip with cb. It was funny at first (considering how I'm afraid of 冷场), but after cb told me he called me out cos he wants me to be his consultant, things went smoothly.

Yep, I was a bit narcissistic. When he told me that he asked me that cos he thought he could trust my fashion sense, I was over the hill. ha... But little did he know that my fashion sense was more of a 'selfish' sense, cos it was tailored to my needs, the need to look slim. But well, I did my best to give him comments.

But no, I wasn't a consultant consultant, but one whom may give him a second opinion when he was lost.

Into the 1st shop, a gift shop, we were attracted to a set of pens that bore the shapes of hands making different signs. We hit creativity jackpot and bought the whole set of signs of crossed fingers with 6 colours, a token for everybody in GC.

I liked orange and cb loved blue. tC got purple and vivian pink. Yellow and green was reserved for LF and zin, but the latter got the darker of the two cos of the shade of her skin. (wow! a poem! haha... ok, a limerick)

Further along the way, we found that we had to buy more pens for more members and that meant repeated colours. So we decided to label the pens and went to source for cards and ribbons. We even resorted to borrowing the gift shop's puncher and scissors and 'testing' pens from Popular. And then just outside Popular, we settled down and tied the cards to the pens, which we called our Club Identifiers.

The Crossed Fingers

Sad to say, only tC and LF bothered to come. A GC investiture became a 4-man gathering and the giving out of the identifiers seemed pathetic. I was sad of cos, cos GC was just a fun thing that few took seriously, did they?

Maybe cb and I really took it too seriously le. But thankfully, LF and tC were appreciative of it.

The Back

The identifier (or Cross, as the sign symbolized), in hand, gives the member the authority to question, interrogate and listen to other members. It symbolizes the creed of the club to keep secrets of gossip within the club (those who hold the Cross) and to make us bear in mind that gossip is for the sole purpose of entertainment and not personal attack.

The Cross also reminds us of our motto: Leave no news behind, Spread all news in kind.

The card attached to the Cross bears the words: Imagination is the first step of Creation.

Imagination

Well, all scandals developed from GC were all from our imagination. From then on, it's free discussion and investigation; to prove a theory or overthrow a hypothesis.

It's gossip down to a science, a social science lol

The gossip session after investiture was fun too, with tC happily answering our trick questions without even realizing our intention. He said he was clever, well, we'll see.

After cb left for his clubbing session, the Cross was put into extremely good use by the hosts of 《叶描越黄》(me n LF, tho the initial title was《叶黑凤高》) -- tC carelessly dropped a clue that got us very excited.

Grade A gossip, total standalone, not related to zin's theory nor cb's hypothesises, but not allowed in this blog. Not cos me nor you are not holding on to the Cross, but cos the Cross only entitles holders to listen, not read gossips, yar? For the Grade A gossip, please attend the next GS.

We also gossiped about bryan. haha... I believe he won't read my blog for the next thousand years unless I ask him to, so I'm gonna declare that we gossiped about him. lol The danger of skipping a GS is that YOU could be the lead of the next gossip ;)

Next in line is Nua Queen.

People may wonder, why am I the Prez of GC? I told aminah le, and she agreed (in disgust) that I deserved the post. haha... No one else shall know the secret to success, cos if they do, I'll be overthrowned.

Aminah will bring my secret to her grave.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 2:03 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ma'at's Water Sports Day

Actually not much of a Ma'at outing, cos all in all, only 4 guys went to the JE swimming complex to play with the water.

We played the slides, which got us dizzy cos of the way the slides make us sway. I went twice on the blue slide (highest), where at the 2nd time, my float got dislodged halfway and my left butt cheek was bua-ing the rough surface of the slide for the remaining part.

The red slide, medium height was so-so. Less kick in terms of time-playing than the blue slide, and not exciting than the next slide:

The yellow slide. It was one that required no floats and it featured a near-vertical drop (ok, it was my personal opinion. It was actually about 60 deg bah) that was so harrowing. I went down thrice and could still not overcome the fear of sliding down, cos it was so... vertical.

Then, we played at the wave pool. Then we played at the lazy river, going around 6-7 times where I injured my left ankle (yet again). I was worried I finally broke my bone, but since the pain has subsided to a milder, numbing pain, I think everything is ok.

Then we lazed at the jacuzzi area till km arrived. We found lots of uses for the jets. It can massage our backs, feet and it can travel from the top of our shorts from the back to the leg-holes at the front. haha... bryan was like: eh... public place dun mari-kita hor...

We also gossiped like dunno what at the jacuzzi, cos bryan was left out in our recent GS-es. Then km also told us about the paparazzi experience he had with Junhui, where upon being spotted, they hugged each other. But joyce didn't recognize any of them until km told her the truth when she got back to the chalet.

Then we went back to the slides, then back to the wave pool where cb and I suntanned while waiting for the waves. We lingered in there for more than an hour, for 2 waves, splashing water, pulling off shorts, playing monkey and capsizing each other off floats. How bo-liao can 4 bo-liao guys get? We finally went to wash up at 4 plus.

We then went to meet LF and viv for dinner at orchard. Settled dinner at Crystal Jade in Taka and shared our class photos. LF and viv insisted that I looked the best, most intellectual when I was in JC. Well, I'm rather satisfied with myself now. haha...

Anyway, viv looked so retro from sec 1 till sec 4, but I don't know why she thinks she looks better in upper sec. oh well, it's her belief. tC was surprising also. From a fatso in sec1 to a lean and tall guy in sec 2. But he still looked as dork-ish in sec3 and didn't improve till sec4. I guess he turned into buaya at that time bah, an enduring trait, I assume. lol

Next, we went to Coffee Bean to wait for tC for a new round of GS. After all, being the PR of our GC, he is the soul of each GS. But well, tC would rather go home from tuition than to meet us. So, we had a rather slow-paced GS with photo-taking and sms-sharing in the process.

The contents of the GS is of cos confidential. After all, gossiping is for sole entertainment and not for personal attack (though I do bad-mouth people I don't like ever so often). But we concluded that a scandal isn't so simple as it seems, especially with gossipers like us who likes to delve deeper and deeper into meanings that didn't seem to hold any meanings.

So, as my nick says: There r 2 sides to a coin, & many viewpoints to a scandal... Gossiping is a way to investigate those viewpoints.

Since we had no new gossips to talk about, we turned the current gossips we have about and around and looked at them in other dimensions/angles/viewpoints and came up with more interesting theories. Hypothesis that will stand until proven wrong.

Investigation reports to be written, Board of Inquiry to be activated.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:19 AM

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Ma'at Sports Day

Venue: SRC
Date/Time: 11 July 2006/11.30am

Somebody just had an idea to have a sports day, perhaps during the dinner after C.A.N where we split up into Pastamania and Pizza Hut (I was in PH). We made a decision and we followed it through the end.

We weren't sure whether we could get the courts or such anot. We don't even have a Plan B (except to play bridge).

A few of us met at Clementi before we had a char kway teow lunch. People present: me, chio bu, gilbert, sin en and LF.

We went to SRC, MPSH2 to find out that Ma'at's affiliation also has a camp and they were having the prayers. Farnie.

When I saw them leave, I peeped into their side of the hall and saw judo mats, so I skipped over to see what I could do with them. Then I saw one Ma'at still on the mat praying. I was like: uh-uh. Those were NOT judo mats. Those are praying mats~

We warmed up by playing decent pingpong ball, while we waited for the others to come. In order or sequence: zin, tC & rx, ed, glenn and finally, viv.

But amidst the decent playing, there will be the few of us who will sit along the side of the table and pass the basketball over the table while the table tennis guys played their games. Something like a 2-way ball game happening there.

Some time into the event, tC and I started playing Crazy Table Tennis. The rule is simple: keep playing, not even when the ball is off the table.

I must say Crazy Table Tennis is VERY TAXING, cos we were cruising across the breadth of the MPSH.

Then it was Monkey when ed came. However, just like any other indecent games, it turned into a Strip Chio Bu Or Twist His Nipples game.

Later, 4 representatives from 4 different countries [LF->North Pole, ed & me->America, zin->Philipino (common sense rite?) and tC-> Taiwan (cos he LOOKS LIKE ELLA)] started playing Crazy Table Tennis: Ultimate.

We started with posing around the table as perwhat we saw on TV. Then, after the ball missed the table, we went into Crazy Table Tennis style, saving the ball despite it being off the table. Then, we started enlarging our 'court' such that we ended up playing WITHOUT the table, but with the barricades that separated 2 groups of table tennis as our 'net'.

That was Crazy Table Tennis upgraded to its Ultimate edition.

arggghhh... too much gaming.

Anyways, we left the SRC to send SE to her bus stop, but ended up lingering at the basketball court while zin a.k.a aminah sends SE off. Rough game, cos I 见红 and kena quite a number of scratches. ed denied it was her doing, so if it wasn't her, then it must be rx or tC... I wanna check their fingernails tomorrow!!

It rained, so we retrograde to clubroom to 'cool down' and tried to smellify zq and yc who were there. Rot for a while, playing the puzzles and blue tack. Then the group of us (excl rx & tC cos they were not interested) subceded to a corner to gossip.

From the corner, we moved to the bench outside clubroom. From the bench outside clubroom, we gossiped to Arts Canteen where we had our dinner. By then, people like aminah and vivian (a.k.a Nua Queen) disappeared.

Then, rx & tC went home and chio bu, LF and me stayed around to chat (with ed who came for an hr) till 10pm.

That's all. Long time since I blogged about the details of the stuff I did on a day. Hope it don't get too boring lol

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 12:58 AM

Monday, July 10, 2006

Friends & Family (*warning: ultra long post)

Had a tumultous 2 days, I suppose.

1st, on the morning after my last entry, I fell out with my JC gang. Sort of.

It started off with hf chiding me that I shouldn't have allowed her mum to keep the MJ table even as she offered to do so.

I got quite du lan with her accusations and I shot her back with my grouches. The group parted on a bad note.

Somehow, I feel that this is a friendship where its members aren't actively preserving the fire in us.

I have friends who can agree to come out for a chillout at the last minute, even if it means the chillout is further from their home than their workplace is.

I have friends who understand that I live far from the city and they make sure that every time we meet, it will be a fruitful gathering.

But of course they don't fall into the same group.

My belief for a stable friendship is whereby most of the members do their best to preserve the friendship, is that so difficult?

It's not about how much I receive, cos whatever that is contributed is distributed to everyone in the gang. It's about how much you are willing to contribute.

One of the main reason I was du lan with hf was that despite my contributions, she kept demanding more from me, without contributing more herself. Why is it that we must ALWAYS meet at places convenient to them but not me? The place we meet that is closest to my home is Marina Sq.

And when I make the effort to go down to play mahjong, they only played one round of it and they either sleep or watch soccer. Hello? You guys asked me out to play mahjong and you guys played so little of it? The last time we played MJ, they stopped at exactly after midnite, when cabs become exceedingly expensive to take home. We ended up sleeping for 6 hrs at her home to wait for 1st bus.

I don't know how to put it in words, but that was the scenario.

I can calculate the distance I travel by counting the number of stations, the number of times I have to change public transport, the number of expressways, the amount of fares I pay or the outings that I will otherwise miss. But I kept silent until now. And even as I sound out, I was given the 'YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A SENSELESS, IMMATURE BOY' treatment.

I made an effort to come down from Punggol all the way to CCK to spend quality time with you, but you chose to while it away.

And if you ask someone to come from across the island to meet you, shouldn't you make an effort to be on time? Why disappear at the last minute saying you are stuck at another outing with your friends? YOU INVITE ME AND YOU ARE LATE. 1 hr after meeting you, YOU SLEEP. It just goes to show where I stand in your priority list and it upsets me to know how low I rank.

YOU MAKE AN APPT, YOU KEEP THE APPT AND NOT MAKE ANOTHER APPT THAT OVERLAPS THE PRESENT ONE.

Back to the original issue that sparked everything. I don't see any mistake in letting her mum carry the table.

1st: She ordered me to stop carrying. After working so long with elderly, I understand that the best thing you can do for an elderly is to let them have their way. But well, this is not a lonely elderly we are talking. BUT SHE IS NOT BAI KA BAI QIU.

2nd: I AM A GUEST. 过门就是客. And it is not as if I didn't carry the table OUT, set it up and set up the chairs. If it was the case where I just stood around for the whole night and yet let an elder do stuff for me, yes, I'm at fault.

But I didn't.

If I were to be in hf's shoes, IF i didn't want my mum to do the chores, I would have taken over the job instead of ordering my guests at home to do it and blaming them for not helping.

So, are my comments constructive?

Unfortunately, there are people in the world who chose to believe that people like me who always laugh around cannot be listened to. Because people who laugh around = people not serious = people who can't think.

So when I gave my points, they gave me the YOU ARE A KID treatment.

I treat you dearly and you treat me like SHIT.

Backtrack a few years back when I was stuck and busy in the army and you guys are studying. We barely met for the 2 years cos everyone was busy.

Now that the tables are turned, I try not to let history repeats itself.

Who organized outing during term time? Who organized outing despite the impending exams? Do you ever realize NS is just like working where we face unreasonable boss/colleagues, work overtime and work overnite regularly? Who didn't face the problems you face?

Are my contributions so insignificant that you guys just keep asking for more?

I don't need recognition, I just need you to stop demanding from me, cos I'm tired trying to keep up with this friendship that seems to be thriving on my zeal and drive alone.

I am angry cos I am tired. Can you guys feel for me?

At least for my other gangs, there are people who felt my burden and took over once in a while. They organized outings, they find places convenient for me and they lingered around long enough for us to enjoy each other's company and yet I could catch the last train. They don't calculate with me the loss of sleep they end up losing cos they know I lost more on the ride home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sent my mum to check her arm, cos 2 weeks after her fall, her bruise didn't go away.

It was really torturous to sacrifice my sleep to wait indefinitely in the polyclinic.

But she complained of dizziness last sat, so I was worried there could be concussion, which was what the GP told us to look out for. I was afraid of the impending costs of scans and such, so I suggested going to polyclinic.

Anyways, I took a sneak peek at the X-ray report while walking from the X-ray centre to the clinic, cos I couldn't resist my curiousity. And I must admit my heart sank when it said positive for fractures. Cracks, to be exact, with no displacement. And there was serious haemorrhage.

I was so worried till the doc assured me that my mum's osteo won't affect her rate of recovery and that all she needed was to rest her arm. Her dizziness was probably due to her high blood pressure, cos if she were to have concussion, it would have happen sooner.

But there are illness/injuries that can never be spotted sooner. After my dad, I can't get easy with my mum. Yes, i get overly paranoid, but there's no way I'm gonna lose another loved one the same way. Yes, i still scream at my mum at times, but when something happens to her, I still get paranoid.

I'm still scared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back to friends, but this time new friends.

They are cute, they are lovely and they are full of drive. And yes, i make an effort to join them in their outings as much as I can.

I hope to gain their trust and friendship, and to do so, I have to contribute.

I don't know, it could be that because I was too engrossed in this new and fascinating friendship that I started to neglect/grumble/risk my other, older ones. I hope not. I'm trying to check myself, but well, it's hard.

There are really people whom I enjoyed hanging out with, although I don't know at this stage how we'll turn out. Right now, we are 酒肉朋友, cos we haf not met with any 'crisis' just yet. But I'm worried and reluctant to face a crisis, cos behind each one is a fair chance of make or break.

But it's precisely the fact that we are 酒肉朋友 that makes me so much want to stick with them. cos well, 酒肉朋友 are feel-good friends. They are like chocolates that give you the temporary sense of satisfaction that needs to be fed consistently.

I hope, I really hope, that we can/have already level up to the status of stable friends under the guise of 酒肉朋友. ie, the stability and sweetness combined. Fat hope, I know. But who knows?

One extra friendship is one that I will treasure and put effort in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have to blog about someone, but as you should understand, my words for you can't be filled in to a section of an entry alone. I promise you I will devote an entry for you; it's half-filled le. I just need time to fine tune it.

Please, don't give up. As I've said, a stable relationship depends on the combined effort we put in. If you keep saying you are giving up, I won't be able to go long also, cos I'm not strong enough to support, drive and fuel the r/s entirely on my own.

I need you.

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 11:05 PM

What happens if Microsoft had designed the Ipod?


What happens if Microsoft had designed the Ipod?

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 3:02 PM

暗箭 (edited)

我想：既然我这段其间都盘旋在被暗伤的话题间，也就心血来潮写了一首有关题目的词。加上一点戏剧效果，添加一点冲突，虽然白话了一点，却表达我的感觉。没办法，我的理念和我的技巧总是无法挂上边。

故事内容，非属虚构，如有类同，纯属故意。

《暗箭》

词：冷叶曲：（自《断点》）

原来一切都已成为定局

写好的结局已铺陈待序

美好的天气谁会相信

艳阳的天空其实正要下雨

当彼此面对面却无法言语

冷漠已蔓延到下雪边际

道别离还是不舍不弃

紧握的双手还留岁月痕迹

一道光闪过眼划破我的脸

黑暗中闪烁身影手里藏着箭

冲动冷静间点燃了导火线

转身后是否伤痕还会多一些

我中了他的箭用妒嫉抹上狠毒字眼

你和我的过去都灰飞烟灭

我努力推向前试图将感情挽回

恨只恨最后还是畏缩崩溃

我中了他的箭是贪婪锄成耸听危言

在你我脆弱时候挑拨离间

手再烫也无法阻止热情冷却

分岔的信念悬在棱角只差致命一箭

虽然一切都似风平浪静

幕后的黑手早已设下陷阱

用薄纱偷偷蒙上了眼睛

一样的窗口看到不同风景

当彼此紧紧握着共同回忆

还有谁能在暗中制造距离

道别离还是不舍不弃

刹那间只怕暗箭突然来袭

一道光闪过眼划破我的脸

黑暗中闪烁身影手里藏着箭

冲动冷静间点燃了导火线

转身后是否伤痕还会多一些

我中了他的箭用妒嫉抹上狠毒字眼

你和我的过去都灰飞烟灭

我努力推向前试图将感情挽回

恨只恨最后还是畏缩崩溃

我中了他的箭是贪婪锄成耸听危言

在你我脆弱时候挑拨离间

手再烫也无法阻止热情冷却

分岔的信念悬在棱角只差致命一箭

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 3:18 AM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

KPO Me

Had a very KPO day (sat, see side bar). So much so that I chose to neglect my old friend xy just to gossip with my new friends. You know, gossip makes people more alert to the surroundings.

The gossip started just as we were proceeding to board the bus to QH and continued to a one-to-one session with viv at 7pm.

What gossip that I recieve can I blog?

Basically, the star was tC, who was the SNG of Ma'at. He attracts all gossips and he disseminates ALL gossips, including his own lol We (viv & I) were made to keep a secret of certain stuff (though I forgot which was to be kept secret). Frankly speaking, I don't even know what I forgot and what I know lolxlolxlol

I'm confused.

Perhaps the sorting out of gossip is a feat itself, exercise for the brain. But just as well.

One of the main topic was Brokeback Mountain's story. There was so much similarity between the gossips and the movie that I got impressed at what 戏如人生 means. ok lah. Not THAT MUCH similarity. I only pointed out a part to the others. waha~!

hmmm... ok. What else can I talk?

There's NOTHING I can talk without leaking in any part what tC made me promise not to say. Well, I'm a good keeper of secrets, especially this one. ha... viv knows why.

ok... Time for some mushy stuff. Actually, I enjoy the company of some of my Ma'at peeps very much. Not trying to denounce the others, but sometimes, certain people just click better bah. I really hope that we can just while the time away gossiping and gossiping, sharing our knowledge and honing our lame jokes and sarcasm, teaching each other to be a better person.

hmmm... This may not sound like a healthy, serious friendship, but amidst the crap talk, there will definitely be some serious, heart-to-heart talks.

Basically, I find that RV-ians click rather well. I guess that it lies with the fact that the RV culture was distinct and exclusive. All of us were able to communicate well despite years away from the school cos it had ingrained a deep form of values and attitude in us (pardon the occasional glitch of non-logic, cos i'm blogging at 4am in the morning, enduring through a football match I never enjoyed).

Although I do not contact my sec school classmates anymore, the current JC/PS friends I have are mainly from RV. Those who were from same ps as me who proceeded to RV, and those from RV whom I met in jc.

And right now, among the group of strangers I just got to know in E3G6, I clicked with the RV-ians better. Sorry to the others who were 'excluded' by us, but we were taught to exclude people from us. Much as we try to be less exclusive, we tend to commit the mistake subconsciously. (Think the QH outing where the 3 of us just 'cuddle' in a circle perpetually to gossip)

There are also non-RV-ians whom I enjoyed hanging out with. Bryan (the older one) was one, and I mentioned him before. Zin was another. All of us have a common point:

We are VERY KAYPO.

Moral of the entry: Gossip binds people. waha!!! Lame anot?

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 3:29 AM

Friday, July 07, 2006

Ma'at's Terrorist Suicide Bomber

I don't know if this was on Youtube already, but since I don't know about its existence, I will create one.

It's last night of E3 and we were having our Talentime session. We were supposed to grab props and dress our representatives up for a 'fashion show'. Unfortunately, we were so slow that we have only the box that contained the props. What to do? So comes Ma'at's Terrorist Suicide Bomber...

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 11:04 AM

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Fear

I've been ranting about something to a lot of people. James, Shuohan, zin and bryan (the old one). Wanted to tell xy too, but couldn't find the chance.

I guess it's partly due to the fear; the fear of the unknown. When you are in the light and you keep losing HPs, something is very wrong then.

But I suppose I'll stop ranting about it soon and start to solve the problem constructively.

Or perhaps destructively??

oh yar... and i SHOULD blog about some lighter stuff le. This blog has been shrouded in dark clouds for too long liaoz...

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 11:30 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Do Not Threaten Me; Do Not Corner Me

I'm upset, still upset. Perhaps there are friends/foes who are waiting to see what I have come up with to defend for myself. Will I say something to defend for myself? I dunno. I'm gonna hurl all the vulgarities if I get the chance and if I do defend myself in the midst of it, then it's unintentional.

Just a note: I will not withold any identities or naming of people. I will hurl vulgarities at whoever I deem fit. If you are targeted, too bad, cos it's MY blog. If you are gonna be offended cos the people I hurl abuse are your friends, DO NOT PROCEED.

My Side of The Story:

The day was sucky; it had been extra sunny ever since the sun was up. Work became tedious and tiresome, and people were getting irritable. I do not wish to continue to stay in PAH, cos I was sianz, cos I was tired, cos I thought there were too many people around to be productive.

I wanted to join the others who were leaving. I jio-ed people to go with me for Ice-Kacang before I left. Some of them were willing to go for Ice-Kacang AND to leave with me. So we went.

1st I bargained with Sock Khim: We will finish the 2nd coat of paint before we leave. I did not do much for the 2nd coat, but most of the people who were leaving with me accomplished their part of the deal.

We left. I told Sock Khim we were leaving and counted to her that of the Ice-Kacang Party, 7 were returning and there were guys to escort the girls. If not, I WILL escort the girls. I made my promise to ensure the safety of the people I jio-ed.

We exit through the gate and there was this guy called Chee Kin, whom I later knew as the PD, who screamed at us for leaving without permission. I reiterated we informed SK of our departure, return time and yes, we finished the yucky food they had 'prepared' for us. He couldn't accept our stand and I got irritated and REPEATED MYSELF in a 不客气 way what I just said.

With that, I led the group away.

The Drama Starts...

News reached us that KM was reprimanded for our departure. Lingfong reprimanded me for bringing the guys away without permission. She said she was pissed and ashamed of me.

I was hot and and angry at first, for the confrontation at the gate.

When I was told of that KM became the scapegoat, I was upset. Literally upset. Not even when LF told me those harsh words was I anymore angry than upset.

The reason being that someone, a friend, was being 'operated on'.

Upset cos this was the 2nd time in 3 months that somebody actually tried to force their opinions onto me, to intimidate me into doing what they think is the way I should act, by making use of their relationship with a middleman, and my relationship with the middleman.

The 1st time somebody used the tactic, I was totally upset. Somebody chose to ignore the chain of commands and complained abt my decision on stuff. It was disrespectful for the one holding the position and doing the job. Complaining behind my back is equivalent to backstabbing.

Despicable.

I decided that anybody who does that will carry the same label.

Today, the same thing happened, though in a different form.

Somebody (I really dunno who) who was opposed to my act of bringing people out operated on the friend whom we all cared for. I was threatened at gun point, a gun called the Appeal of Emotions and Fear.

He turned the tables on me to make me the Epitome of All Evil.

A casual outing became all gloomed and doomed.

I can accept apologies, but can I accept the damage done to my reputation, or more importantly my friendship with those people whom I 'dragged down' with me? What a way to mark the 1st few sessions I had with my new friends.

Anymore means of expressing apologies to me were alternate ways of protesting against me.

Now, they are the nice guys and I am the petty villain.

Fine, I had my say.

I want to put the incident behind and hope I never see Cheekin ever again in my entire life. If I survived going to clubroom for a year without meeting him, I CAN go on to clubroom for the next 2 years without seeing him.

For the friends whom I had conflicts with, sorry for putting you on the spot. I dun wanna our friendship to end, especially not this way. I will do my best to put the incident behind, but yar, I still hold my point of view.

你有你的立场要秉持，我有我的原则要守。

Bear no grudges

p/s: KM told me everything was a misunderstanding. I hope this was a misunderstanding cos I'm still skeptical. If it was a misunderstanding, why all the hush-hush tactics? What is REAL?

I never saved anything for the trip back, do you? at 10:47 PM